Adrineh: A Poem for My Father

Divided
Within
Outside
By waters that separate
Your land
And my world

Generations
Of loved ones lost
Gaps
Of history unknown
Of crimes denied
Of power and privilege
That destroyed
That destroys
Our understanding
Of each other

We continue to live our lives
With each passing day
The tears that I cry
Fill the oceans that divide
Me from myself
…And we belong to no one
Not even each other
But memories are strong
And you will be a part of me
ALWAYS

Used here by permission.

Adrineh: I Am In My Room

I am in my room
Where I can often be found
Listening to lovers’ songs
That is more like background noise
As my life often is.

I see the wooden dancer
Brought from Armenia
She is bare-breasted
With free-flowing hair
And jubilant skirt!
Her head covered
With what is part of my history now
A tambourine in her hand
Raised high
Eyes closed
Dancing to music
Only she can hear.

I am lying on my bed
My naked body exposed
In the only safest place
Left on this Earth
My Aloneness
I wrap it around me
Like a bright red-orange scarf
One of the few things
My mother brought with her
To this godforsaken country
When she was 21
How old I am now.

My body
With its own history
Too many
Taking parts of it
Have TAKEN pieces of it
Slowly for years and centuries
Sometimes
Going to the gym helps
I give my body strength
So it may appear that
My mind is strong too
And it has its walls
As I always have.

I pretend that I am
Protected
By this strength
Like the black obsidian stone
That populates
The other country
Where I should’ve been born
But can only visit
Like the few other tourists
Because nobody ever really
Just goes to Armenia
With its mountainous land
And ancient customs
Unless they want to study
Or exotify
Us somehow.

But my body knows
What my mind cannot comprehend
When I was hospitalized
Because I couldn’t walk for days
And the white male doctors
Could not understand
What is/ what was
That was wrong with me.

But my body remembered
The year before
I had gone to Armenia
For the very first time
To see relatives
I never knew I had
And my body reacts
Upon my return
Not because of something
I ate when I was there
As they would have me believe
But because it was misplaced
Lost
Forgotten
Somewhere
In that space inbetween.


Used here by permission.

Adrineh: You and I

you who held me
for 14 months
but came and left
across borders
of many kinds

you who i drove away
war is peace they say
but the monotony of our days
was too much
for me to bear

you across the ocean
give your love to a black cat
and i to a beige poodle
we didn’t realize
the telephone was broken

for you home is here
you say
but for me it is where i am
and sometimes
that was with you

you sound different now
but maybe you always did
and it is in fact i
who am listening
with different ears

i feel you in my bed sometimes
and the scent of you lingers on
but being multilingual
doesn’t mean we speak
a common language

you without a home
often tired and hungry
i am well-rested and well-fed
and regretful of all
that i didn’t say
(and all that i did)

you raised in the lowlands
learned to ride a bike
before you could walk
now back again attempting
to unlearn racist idealogy

i raised in a cold climate
learning more than one history
raised to be proud of my isolation
teaching others
how to say my name

you & i tried
to overcome boundaries
others set upon us
to love on the margins
to dare to speak
as lovers, as allies,
as traitors to war

but to fuse
the reality
with the dream
is what’s best
now i think

Used here by kind permission.

Introducing Adrineh

“I am a queer Armenian woman who continually challenges assumptions made about me and the world I inhabit. In a previous life, I worked in social services, but these days I’m more interested in contemporary art, online publishing and the potential for social media. I speak English, Armenian and French; I am fascinated by the art of communication in its many forms. Experiences of belonging and not belonging, as well as notions of community, inspire and inform my work.”