Հրանդ Մ․ Մարգարեան: ԴԻԱԿՍ․․․

Այս առաւօտ,
դիակս գտան`
գլուխս խոնարհած ստեղնաշարին համակարգիչիս։
Հարուածէն՝ ճակտիս արեան հոսք մը մեղմ
տառերուն անզարդ երանգ էր տուած․․․
Արիւնս լերդացած․․․

Դիազննողը ըսաւ վճռօրէն․ «Մահը առտուայ մութին էր եկեր։
Սրտի կաթուած է ․․․»:

Յետոյ նայեցաւ համակարգիչի պաստառին ճերմակ,
Ուր տառ մը մինակ, որբի մը նման․
նստա՞ծ էր, կանգնա՞ծ, թէ լո՜ւռ խոնարհած․․․

Զարմացած հարցուց․ «Այս ի՞նչ է, արդեօք»։
Թոռներս ըսին․֊
«Հայերէն տառ է։ Չորս հազար տարուայ լեզուի մէկ հունչը»։
«Իսկ ի՞նչ տառ է այս», հարցուց ան նորէն։
«Հայերէն ՛ Հո ՛ն է», ըսին թոռներս գլուխնին հակած․․․

«Իր առանձնութեան անհուն պահուն մէջ,
ինչո՞ւ է ընտրած այս տառը ծուռլիկ։
Անուանատա՞ռն է», հարցուց բժիշկը։

֊«Չենք կարծեր», ըսին գլուխնին կախած իմ բալիկները՝ Կամքն ու Երազը։
«Անուանատառ չէ՛»։
Իրար նայեցան, զաաւակներս լուռ,
տխուր, գլխիկոր, ըսին շատ հանդարտ․
֊«Իր ներաշխարհի սրբութիւններու արձագանգներու պսակի զարդն է՝
– ՛ Հո ՛ն Հայաստա՛նն է՝ իր գոյութիւնը։
– Մարտնչող ՛Հ՛ա՛յն է։
– ՛ Հո ՛ ն Հայրենի՛քն է, իր կարմիր ՛Հ՛ո՛ղն է։
– Եւ այս բոլորով ՛ Հո ՛ ն ապրող, շնչող, իր ՛Հ՛այութի՛ւնն է»։
«Մեր հայրը», ըսին․
– ՛Հո ՛ տառով ծնաւ,
– ՛Հո ՛֊ով ապրեցաւ,
– ՛Հո ՛֊ով մահացաւ․․․»

Համակարգիչի պաստառին վրայ
՛ Հո ՛ տառր խոնարհ,
Որ գահակալն է սրբութիւններուն մեր գահնամակին,
Խաչուած, պարտասած, բազմիցս հրկիզուած,
Դարերու փոշին վրայէն նետեց,
Յարատեւութեան խորհուրդը հագաւ
Խոնարհութեան մէջ հպարտ, անկոտրուն,
Լռիկ ժպտեցաւ,
Եւ ձայնով մը մեղմ եւ անլսելի
Ըսաւ պատմութեան ալեկոծ ծովուն․
«Ես պիտի ապրիմ
Դարերու հեւքի յորձանուտին մէջ։
Յաւերժին ձգտող
Նաւարկող, անխոնջ ՛հ՛ոգիներուն մէջ,
՛հ՛ուրի կայծ մ՛ինչպէս,
՛հ՛ուրէն ալ անդին
՛Հ՛աւատքով կ՛ապրիմ»։

***

Իսկ դիակս լուռ
՛հո՛֊ի օծումով
Հանգիստ քնացաւ․․․

Published in Hairenik Weekly 

Armenian Poetry Day / Ասմունքի օր

Poetry for all Ages in English and Armenian

Los Angeles Public Library presents "Armenian Poetry Day," celebrating Armenian heritage, as well as the legacy of Komitas, the revered Armenian composer and ethnomusicologist. The program will feature spoken word and poetry readings from Armenian poets and students from local schools, violin and kamancha performances to bring Armenian music to life, and a traditional Armenian circle dance performance and workshop presented by UCLA's Natalie Kamajian of LERNAZANG.

Sunday, October 13, 2024

2 p.m. - 4:30 p.m.

Central Library

630 W. 5th Street

Los Angeles, CA 90071

Mark Taper Auditorium

2 p.m. - Welcome Address and Opening Remarks from Special Guests

2:15 p.m. - Keynote Speaker Raffi Joe Wartanian presents Short History of Armenian History

2:25 p.m. - Poetry Recitation by Ferrahian School Students

2:40 p.m. - Kamancha Performance by Sona Nalbandian, UCLA Herb Alpert School of Music

2:50 p.m. - Poetry Recitation by Creo Studio Students and Taguhi Vardanian

3:05 p.m. - Violin Performance by Ani Sinanyan, UCLA Herb Alpert School of Music

3:15 p.m. - Poetry Recitation by Hovsepian School Students and Shahe Mankerian

3:30 - 4:30 p.m. - Dance Workshop at the Thornton Courtyard

3:30 p.m. - Poetry Recitation by Glendale Unified Students and Meri Tumanyan

3:45 p.m. - Poetry Recitation by Chamlian School

4 p.m. - Closing Remarks

Please note, the Armenian Dance Workshop will be held simultaneously at the Thornton Courtyard (located outside the Taper Auditorium) from 3:30 - 4:30 p.m.




Լոս Անջելեսի հանրային գրադարանը ներկայացնում է «Ասմունքի օր»՝ նվիրված հայկական մշակույթին, ինչպես նաև հայ մեծարգո երգահան և էթնոերաժշտագետ Կոմիտասի ժառանգությանը։






For ADA accommodations, call (213) 228-7430 at least 72 hours prior to the event.

Banned Books Week is here

 The Armenian Poetry Project supports America Library Association's initiative as  We too can trust individuals to make their own decisions about what they read and believe.

The freedom to read is under attack — let’s do something about it!

Take at least one action today to help defend books from censorship and to stand up for library staff, educators, writers, publishers, booksellers, and readers!

Visit the America Library Association's page for more and information on the top ten books currently challenged. 

Peter Balakian: Moonlight

Published in the New Yorker June 17, 2024. Click this page to hear the author reading the poem.


I was walking through the muddy pastures of Woodstock.

Even now, what do I know?




My days on the football field were numbered.

And—then—what did I know?




I pumped iron, ran down-and-outs—followed a pulling

guard. It was 1969 and men had just landed




on the moon; we watched it on TV two miles

from where a car went off a bridge at Chappaquiddick.




And so—Chappa-quid-dick floated

in the air; what matters more, the bridge or the moon?




Then—I thought I understood the moonlight

on the water snakes in “The Rime of the Ancient Mariner.”




I knew that three women broke down the door at McSorley’s

that summer. Liberty was not just for men on the moon.




I walked out of McSorley’s with Coleridge’s poem

in my pocket, uplifted by their breakthrough.




I didn’t know Coleridge was high on dope.

I thought I knew his poem was an ode to love.




When I entered the pasture of love Canned Heat

needled my head. The sky was acid blue.




Whatever I knew—I didn’t know. The moon

stared over the groaning planet and that pasture.



Peter Balakian is the author of books including “No Sign” and “Ozone Journal,” which won the 2016 Pulitzer Prize for poetry. He teaches at Colgate University.

Learning Armenian through Poetry

This is not news to us, and is in fact one of the reasons APP exists.
 

A new language learning tool has discovered and mentions APP on their site. TalkPal AI mentions the Armenian Poetry Project as a valuable resource. Music to my ears.

However, dear Readers, I was not contacted by this company and have written to them since many of the poets posted on APP are alive and retain copyright or publishers have copyrights to their work.

Lola Koundakjian, Curator and Producer of APP in New York

Jen Siraganian: How To Teach Atom Egoyan’s Ararat To Twelfth Graders

Pause the film. Ask them to Google the Armenian Genocide.

Lazy but keeps my voice from quaking.

A girl in a hoodie looks up from her computer,

why weren’t we taught this in school?

Toss (underhand) key words. Denial. Forgetting. Jailed journalists.

One student asks to be excused,

half-hides his phone in his sleeve. Is he Turkish

or just rejected from Stanford?

Don’t tell them I’m Armenian. 

A colleague told me she recommended a book

about the genocide to her student. She was called

into the headmaster’s office the next day.

Turn the movie back on. 

The boy and his phone haven’t returned.

Maybe he’s texting his mom. Maybe I’ll be fired.

A moth lands on the screen. I swat it away.

Don’t nudge the girl in the hoodie when she falls asleep. 

The boy slips back in the room as a mother

is raped on a horse cart. The camera tilts down.

She is holding her daughter’s hand. 

Mention nothing about this morning, wrapping a towel around my hair, asking the shower-steamed mirror if Turks would take me.

After the credits, a girl comments,

Schindler’s List made me feel more. Another

complains, the Turks were too villainized.  

As they leave class, don’t speak of my grandmother who was raped, or what happened to her mother. Smile, the secrets lodged like seeds in teeth.

_____________

Jen Siraganian, Los Gatos Poet Laureate, has been featured in San Francisco Chronicle, the Mercury News, and NPR’s KALW. Her chapbook Fracture was released in 2014, and her writing has appeared in Best New Poets, Southwest Review, Cream City Review, Mid-American Review, and other journals and anthologies.

Reprinted from MIZNA

UNTITLED by JOSEPH POLADIAN

I

Am Cupid’s daughter.

Mistake and design begot me.

Under the silver sun,

I brush away my identity.

A few blots here, a few strokes there,

And all the men gather round me.

The people above,

Impeached,

Glare down at me,

Yet, still I dance

And cherish this ineffable circumstance.

I spend the nights

Swinging between restless arms,

Swathed in sordid kisses

And garnished with love bites.

Beyond this place

Of discord and hate,

I move my hips

And feel the night

Gently stroke my face

With the long, dark blades of its fingers.

I go home,

Smelling like a thousand men.

My flamboyance

Lures natural nonconformists

Out of their comfort.

I shake their grounds

With every coaxing sway,

Until I mitigate their pangs

Of unjustified guilt.

Passersby under the sun

Think I’m a harlequin.

But all I am

Is a goddess,

Devoid of coarse remorse.

My very being is nothing

But benign poison.

When the harrowing hour of the dawn strikes,

Ghost-quiet as every truth awakes,

Then,

And only then,

Does my freedom disintegrate

Back into the infinite sunset.

Only then,

Do I see

What they see

Only then,

Just then,

Do I remember,

I am somebody’s son.

This poem was previously published in Rusted Radishes, the Beirut Literary and Art Journal, founded in 2012. 

Joseph Poladian

Joseph Poladian is a 20-year-old student of English literature at the Lebanese University. He has been passionate about the written word ever since he knew what different combinations of the alphabet can do. Being an avid reader, he started writing his own poems and short stories, experimenting with words, genres, and structure.

Arpine Konyalian Grenier RIP

Suchness, What Noise

Daftar blue dualities intervene to convene
lines and shapes of context and word
levitation surmises

        remember architecture?

the tool-master’s need stands in the way
congruence and correlation fester
main tenant
                    full scale social/political lungs oh yes

        transience

how different that is from all things durable
to come together to just become so
this and that
experience

conditioned and mediated ausgang haben
how is ownership generated then?
(some rocks at Death Valley are walking they say)

gauge symmetries are unobservable
what I say to my love is the song
chew it slightly for taste

I wanted a last word with you
no schnell no halt
no gyavoor
                    the rub is otherly
déjà rêvė déjà parlė
déjà lu
                    vėcue



what social basis do I come from?

Published in Word For/Word

I and U at IU and the Dogwoods



Ajune in Armenian is what remains after passing
Ajine in Arabic is yeast which makes bread
living continues Ajine to Ajune
to Ajine and so on

                        said Arpine, and passed



Arpine Konyalian Grenier, a frequent contributor to APP, died on January 9, 2024.

Remote 3-Hour Workshop: Lory Bedikian: The Ode

 Lory Bedikian, a long time poet, award winner and APP collaborator will be teaching a virtual class on Thursday, November 16, 12-3pm ET   at Poets House. 

The Book of Lamenting
by Lory Bedikian

begins on edges of highways

where the sun raises its swollen belly,
grasses outgrow themselves,
vineyards wither their nerves.

The sun cracks the dashboard,
slithers between rows of eucalyptus, juniper,
rolls along the wheels of trucks.

Past crows that caw, pod atop railroad crossings,
the engine cranks its monotonous pulse, distracts me
from posted signs, the yellow snake that guides me along.

This is where I find reasons to question the living,

my father’s face held
in his hands, his brows etched
in the stained glass of the missions,

my mother’s sacrifice dwelling
in deserted turnpikes, her eyes
gazing from overgrown orchards.

Trees disappear. Dried brush crumbles
into camel’s fur. In the distance, no horizon,
but tumbleweed large as sheep.

This is where I am when the world has closed its ears,

alongside rusted tractors, abandoned fruit stands,
roaming for hours, nothing but barbed-wire fences,
nothing but the smells of harvest and gasoline.

The road matters more than the earth,
more than those on the road, it turns
into a spine, ladder of teeth and bone.

In the passenger seat, my grandmother’s ghost
holds a palm full of seeds, scatters them
skyward for the crows to eat.

All of it behind us now. She tells me
not to tangle my nerves, not to stop
the creed of the open road—

nothing that runs can stay the same.


Copyright © 2011 Lory Bedikian. This poem originally appeared in The Book of Lamenting (Anhinga Press, 2011). Used with permission of the author.

Raffi Joe Wartanian: Phantom Tongue

The Armenian Poetry Project is proud to share this unpublished poem by the Inaugural Poet Laureate of Glendale, California,  Raffi Wartanian, and his pictures of Խուլավանգ, which is the church in Kharpert that he referenced in the poem.

Phantom Tongue

by Raffi Joe Wartanian

Somewhere in the world 

my history is erased

my name is changed

Րաֆֆի Վարդանեան 

կլլա

Րաֆֆի Վարդանեան 

glla

Raffi Vartanian 

becomes

Rayfee Wartaynyin

Wartanian

Like the tan on your wart

Stylized melanoma

Signifying the end

Or Wartanian

A song of war

Death, destruction, murder

Nothing I stand for

Mixed into the moniker 

Not here: Vartanian

Warrior sons and daughters 

Defiantly defending a people

Only to have their nom de guerre lathered

Like suds swirling down the drain

Of the car wash on Jackson Street

Under an American sun baking flesh white

Calls for change, or at least a discount, stifled by the heat

Somewhere in the world 

my ancestor’s creations are destroyed

          crosstones of a medieval Armenian necropolis on the banks of the Araxes River reduced to rubble

a stone church, Խուլավանգ, in the golden wheat fields of Kharpert, on its crumbling column defiled with a spray-painted swastika

homes in Hajin, Adana, Zara, and Kumkapi

 never to be known

only to be evoked

during visits, with maps, in verse

their names are ghosts who saunter in meadows of the amnesia I recall

so that sometime in the future

I can sit down with my boy

look him in the eye

and have “the talk”

Will the news destroy his innocence 

The day I tell him

That we were, are, will be

Objects of genocide?

How will he come to understand the unfathomable?

A series of moments…by osmosis…

Lighting candles at the church

The old typewriter hanging on the wall

A grainy image of emaciated corpses

Their sunken eyes somehow familiar

Protestors demanding recognition from violent nations we now or once called home

Or will he already know? Was it coded in his bones? 

When will he learn that the imposed tension 

Between erasure and endurance

Is not just a thing of the past

But a choice today

Between internalizing the oppressors’ will, 

And facing the question

Answers illuminating a path

Fraught with the promise of truth’s daggered thorns

Poking holes in our language

“Endangered” like a fading phantom living in my throat

Կոկորդս, Լեզուս

Spoken to my child

Hearing him voice the revenant

On his tongue does she live or die? 

Maybe both. Maybe none of it matters, especially once we’re erased. 

Have we already arrived?

And once we’ve arrived, can we finally begin to return?

Banned Books Week 2023

 “This is a dangerous time for readers and the public servants who provide access to reading materials. Readers, particularly students, are losing access to critical information, and librarians and teachers are under attack for doing their jobs.”

- Deborah Caldwell-Stone, director of the ALA’s Office for Intellectual Freedom 

The Armenian Poetry Project supports the FREADOM to read. 

For more information, visit the American Library Association's site

Knar Gavin:APPTUS INTERRUPTUS

Up early

flirting, knucks

jambed

into

the reel.

Some hungering

line unfolding

along a

plastic

wire

haggard as a hedge

ha-ha’ing

at the edge

of the

lawn.

But the way we are rapt

now is nothing

like you

in the sun.

I was free with the nectarine

blossoms, a

tree in the world

that was

our life.

At least

it’s summer

forever

now.

Tiny fuzz-less

heads rolling

into mash.

Knar Gavin: After Meriye B. Ouzounian

O, captains of infamy, again 

you’ve battered and eaten the world. 

Borges had it almost right. Every cata

clysm happens for the first time, 

and in a wash that is infernal.

                         With fighting

fossil capitalism 

               there’ve been attempts — over the sink

               and under the moon, some white-lit

               trying, as if 

               to cleanse 

               buttered hands  

               with cold water.

Our bodies are shitting credit cards

               by the week, so plastiform is this life. 

Some things work themselves into you, 

               and that is the only getting them gone.

Where we might’ve broken bread

               or even 

broken it off with the land-swallowers

instead capital’s tyrant uncles drove

their straws beneath beautiful surfaces

to guzzle past and future all at once. 

When we think of tenure

we ought to think 

of the land, & 

of those who 

would hold

nothing 

back 

to get 

to a settled future. 

Catastrophe fills the scope, but my Armenian blood knows

brutality is as old as the fossil record. 

I remember my great, great

               grandfather, Krikor. Buried alive, but first

                         he put mud on our faces

                         so we wouldn’t look pretty. 

               I realize, now, that I am in the situation of communication 

where Krikor could not be.

 

The truth is 

in the pudding, 

& its still blood. Or, 

               the medium is

               the massage that

                              structure will have been.

Krikor, 

               he had pigeons

                                             he left all.

This full world is in flight for the stationed few. 

               O, Sinemas and, likewise, Pelosis and Kochs,

               O, Manchins — hot wives in cold houses

                              amidst this inferno 

                         of a near-future 4-degrees. 

I vow this: to cut the arms off every lifeboat. (1)

               To let them, all lovers of pigeons, survive the road out,

               to tear the fossil-hankering factory down, glitch

               the bone machine

                         with the incandescent power of those 

                                             neither wealthy nor insatiable 

               to wretch and howl the brute money men down.

Petes Buttigieg, Brians Deese: we’re coming.

               We’ve got mud on our faces 

and pigeon eyes in the millions.

We will not look pretty. 

               We will not back down.  

Wimmer of the 2022 William Carlos Williams Prize, University of Pennsylvania 

Luisa Muradyan: My Favorite YouTube Channel

think Beetlejuice without Michael Keaton

but with one hundred Geena Davises
 
dressed in floral nightgowns


think absolute freedom

standing in a house

of haunted women


listen to the music

furniture moving

without explanation
 
in this video

you can clearly see

the outline of a face

in the fireplace

This poem appeared in the Missouri Review, November 2019

Luisa Muradyan: Schwarzenegger in Prayer

There's a scene in Predator
where Arnold Schwarzenegger slaps the hand
of Carl Weathers and the camera focuses
for a moment on the flex of their palms
and I think this is how prayer works.
Two tulips brush against each other in the rain
And when I watch action movies I believe
there is a reason Bruce Willis
can jump out of a helicopter
and propel into a circus tent, that perhaps
Yippee-ki-yay is really
another way to say Baruch ata Adonai
that perhaps the choppa is a temple,
and when he says Get to da choppa
this is the call to return or just a call
to stand in the garden and marvel at the beauty
of wet flowers.

This poem appeared along with an interview in Houston's Public Radio.

Nueva York Poetry Review launches a series of translated poems by Armenian authors

 Nueva York Poetry Review, established in New York and led by Marisa Russo, just launched a curated series of poems by Armenian authors translated into Spanish.

The inaugural poet is LA based Shahé Mankerian. His poems may be accessed here. 

APP welcomes this collaboration, with many thanks to the editorial team and the translators. 

Լօլա Գունտաքճեան/Lola Koundakjian
Curator and Producer,
ArmenianPoetryProject[at]gmail[dom]com

Aida Zilelian: Arshile

Last Painting (The Black Monk), by Arshile Gorky (USA, b.Vilayet of Van, Armenia, Ottoman Empire) 1948. Oil on canvas. 78.6 x 101.5 cm, Museo Nacional Thyssen-Bornemisza, Madrid, Inv. no. 564 (1978.72)

Arshile jan[1],
if we had been friends
I would have smoked cigarettes with you
until my throat was raw and made you listen
to Billie Holiday (did you know “Strange Fruit”?) while
nursing vodka (I would have hated but conceded to) just for you.
I read you loved vodka.

Arshile,
you could have rung my apartment bell
at any hour of the night
and I would have let you in, cradled your face in my hands,
consumed by your wild, vacant eyes
and said nothing.

Love could not transcend the
shadow of ghosts that claimed you long before you escaped,
fled the shores of Lake Van,
your mother’s bosom cold from death –
a body that could no longer soak up your child tears.
This is not why I love you.

Arshile,
I would never have been so star-struck
that your death could have surprised me,
but I would never have forgiven myself
for not deciphering the suicide note
in the slants of your abstractions
and unsettling hues of teal, magenta,
annihilated by frenzied strokes of black.[2]
They incriminate you but,
I would not have seen.

All I know is that your face,
your dark moustache, the grace of your troubled eyes and swept back hair
leave me to think that I could not have saved you, and
loved you nonetheless.

Aida Zilelian



[1] An abbreviation of the Armenian word ‘janig’ (a term of endearment – i.e. darling, love
[2] Arshile Gorky’s last painting, Last Painting (The Black Monk) 1948


Aida Zilelian is a first generation American-Armenian writer and educator from Queens, NY. Her fiction explores the depths of love and family relationships, culture and the connections between characters that transcend time and circumstance. Her first novel (unpublished) The Hollowing Moon, was one of the top three finalists of the Anderbo Novel Contest. The sequel The Legacy of Lost Things was published in 2015 (Bleeding Heart Publications) and was the recipient of the 2014 Tölölyan Literary Award. Aida has been featured on NPR, The Huffington Post, Kirkus Reviews, Poets & Writers, the New York Times, and various reading series throughout Queens and Manhattan. Her short story collection These Hills Were Meant for You was shortlisted for the 2018 Katherine Anne Porter Award.

Originally published in The Ekphrasic Review

Theadora Siranian: Belle Reprieve

In upstate New York you wake
every morning to a field blue with frost.

Every day is perfected: not a blade of grass moves.
This is the world you need; we always knew this.

Even in that January, endless month,
cutting through the air a gyre of possibilities,

touchless. Huddled together in empty
store doorfronts, such tender animals,

feather and oil, pinions holding palms to mouths,
whispering secrets the wind ripped away,

fragile words flung into the well of winter.

A nanosecond’s grace unraveling, just another
tiny spool of thread lost to the universe,

bodies breaking against air sharp
enough to crack skin, and even now,

in the recesses, the locked corridors
of admission, it still exists: the endurance of the desire

to know nothing better than the shape of your face.

Originally published in Amethyst Arsenic, Winter 2014

Theadora Siranian: The Unguarded

for A.B.


Even in sleep, past the road’s soft shoulder,
you are the dark circus tent sitting at the edge

of town, your memory emitting whispered
threats into the landscape. In the stumbling

dark I design highway markers: this is the night,
the early morning, the moon a thin wafer of light.

This is my skin slick with the sweat of dreams,
the exertion of finding my way back to the body.

Athena was hammered from the head of Zeus,
sprang battleborn and screaming. Before

there was conflict, there was the anticipation
of violence. You are the ghost, the penny dropped

down into the dry well. Lying awake I see
you, bent toward the counter, whittling away

at your teeth with the blade of a kitchen knife
and a glass of bourbon. Determined sufferer,

unlucky caulbearer. The stars are wounds
carved from the sky, interminable, accusing.

We weren’t always such poison. Once, we were
as if lovers, closer than lovers, closer than sex,

each scar and ritual of the other better memorized
than the folds of a spouse’s body. What they call

abandonment was escape—our own design. We’d been
planning it for years. Temptation made the sky throb.

Our parents’ violence may have become our own
but we cast ourselves into the darkness. In truth,

we never planned on finding our way back from
the forest. Some myths say Athena had a sibling

or friend, Pallas, whom she accidentally killed.

Heartbroken, Athena took her name.

In some they were opponents in battle.

Originally published in Meridian, Issue 39, 2017

Theadora Siranian: Fata Morgana

I.

Two nights ago I dreamt you were dead. You, dead for months.
All this time I had been talking to a ghost, face pressed

to the telephone, imagining you doing the same while staring
at a close horizon of snowslashed mountains.

I drift past sheets of blue ice and what we called civilization.
Nothing is left but broken concrete and trees.

Everything an armature of itself and the world silence.

I slip beneath, the water is cold. Toward the sea.

II.

I disinherit myself again and again so that when it’s time to become
nothing I will be ready. There is a bend, always

a bend and always a bridge, weeping, always, when I pass beneath.

Last week I discovered a phrase: anticipatory grief.
An entire category devoted to what I’d always known as waiting.

Abject, brutally finite and yet limitless, waiting.
Hunger without the appetite, without the desire.

If you died tomorrow I would die tomorrow.

The moon is a wafer of barren light in the river.

Anything pressed too far becomes a sin. Toward the sea.

The naked trees are bruises hammered into the sky.
Somehow I know they love me, somehow I know they don’t care.

III.

When I arrived the beach was washed away. The river ran uphill.

Along the ridgeline there is a red horse that can’t stop running.

Even untethered it runs red against the red sun as though trapped
against the sky, back and forth, wildly.

I dreamt you were alive. I dreamt you were unbroken.

Beside the sun burn the stars, glowing embers of paperweight
balloons floating, soaring. Only birds, gliding white

against white turned golden, slowly.

Their wings are burning, or, the sky is a cinder.

The sky a cinder a cinder a cinder and my mouth pressed to the atmosphere

a flame.

I woke and I was the ghost and it was true, all of it.

Originally published in Poetry Northwest, Vol. XIII, 2019