Diana Der-Hovanessian: Seven Warnings in Search of an Armenian Feminist (for Erica Jong)

Beware the man who closes his eyes when he kisses. 

        He's kissing someone else. 

Beware the man who over-praises your cooking. 

        He's going to invite over his friends. 

Beware the man who praises his own gourmet cooking. 

        You can never please him. 

Beware the man whose closets have more clothes than yours. 

        He's interested only in his own body. 

Beware the man who tells you how to cook. 

        He will move in his family from Beirut. 

Beware the man who doesn't like your poetry but.. . 

        He'll ask you to write his reports. 

Beware the man who spends hours buying shoes. 

        He's going to walk all over you. 

Originally published in Ararat, Spring 1993, then in THE SECOND QUESTION, The Sheep Meadow Press, 2007