Thursday, August 24, 2006

Yeva Adalyan: Dating Online - recipes and remedies

Dating Online - recipes and remedies

are you not ashamed of things you want to do?
dating corpses is like a profound liberation from my usual occupations
the smell of young dead brains has put a spell on my waiting conscience
tiny souls have tiny problems
here is my prescription -
looking for a down to earth
180 pound
6 feet tall
heterosexual male
preferably a homophobe...formerly a female is a plus...
who has been there done that
who doesn’t live with his parents, but feeds their cats and walks their dogs
who is willing to have pink floating candle-light dinners
who can barbeque shrimp... and vegetables as well...
who will be caring and appreciative of my beauty like no other normal man
who likes to travel, is not afraid of neither heights nor lows
a man with dramatic, traditional family values
rooted standards
strict and rigid principles
a male who’s extremely athletic
a male willing to lend a buffed...or at least fairly built.. shoulder to cry on
a male ready to offer a neutral uninfected ear
a male who likes action/romantic/sci-fi movies, all with happy endings
a male who doesn’t require lingerie every night
who drinks cognac and eats chocolate... in moderation though...
the indoor cigar smoking allowed once a week
with the maple french door half hanging open
a male who’s detail- and career-oriented
silently open-minded towards my talking habits
a male who’s less of a dreamer, more of a neutralist-conformist
a male who has a toolbox both for relationship and car problems
a male who carries a first-aid kit in the car
stores filtered water by the exit door of his house
and keeps plastic construction hats for emergency situations
under our newlywed’s maple wood bed
color: preferably lemon
... I wash my parents’ wishful naivete with my morbidity and sinful hatred
towards their fictitious happiness for me...
I need a male who’ll make me feel unreasonably special and
unquestionably desired, proving it with
guilt trips,
jealousy scenes, and a
single red rose once a week...
...they are getting quite expensive you see...
...and I shall willingly close my eyes when I see him
ogling another woman’s legs...
I want a male who has a fireplace,
a deck,
a washer and a dryer inside the house
a male who has a mechanic friend,
a lawyer friend, and
a DJ friend for family gatherings
a male who doesn’t have any single guy-friends who spread danger...
I want a male with a potential to live on a farm if need be
a male able to make safe,
family-oriented investments
a male who puts his money where his mouth is
possibly a real-estate agent, or
an owner of a company
with a minimum of five million dollars in revenues
a male handsome enough to be introduced to friends
but not enough to be coveted...
for a detailed list of my demands please refer to my online profile...

Copyright 2004 Yeva Adalyan

1 comment:

Meri said...

Great Poem, Yeva!!
It's the best desription of a fantasy man I ever read...
Nice to read the work of someone I know (even if it was very briefly and a very long time ago.)
Best,
Meri