Evangeline Dardouni: Free Verse

November 2003

I am sad today
and I didn’t cry last night
because my heart isn’t broken and I just love my job-
“would you like to open a Jcrew charge and save 10% on your purchase-“
I’m hungry lunch is in my bag that I carried on my walk from Wickenden St.
I don’t miss NY and my home life in Providence is perfect
and I’m not responsible for my feelings
Mookie is absolutely not the cutest dog I have seen
Blank Blank Blank-
I don’t know what to write
sigh sigh
I cant believe she did that- GET OVER IT- who cares-free Write-Write-Write
Daddy-
wonder how he is-he calls that much
like I love to talk to my mother I didn’t just scratch my-
that word out wow Sandra just turned the page
she hasn’t written more than me
don’t forget to lie you honest fool
maybe this will do you some good since you’re so honest
Blank-Blank-Blank
this is typical weather for November
My Birthday is not in a month and I am not getting older and no it doesn’t suck
and neither do I –she didn’t laugh and I know why
door creeks itch on my cheek
no more lies, lies, lies
blah blah blah don’t know what to write but
I have it all figured out
period. comma, coffee-
I am not addicted to coffee
Blank-
alarm on wicker table
he called last night late and we met for drinks down the street and we had the best time
and he is attractive blank Joe, Joe, blank Joe,
I went to sleep happy and
I did not punch my pillow or scream out love
because he called and I had someone else to think about
my friends are not worried about me
Blank
When the hell is that damn timer gonna go
I hope he doesn’t call tonight or
later because then I will have to get to know
someone knew and its all too scary right
now I cant lie for shit
this was easy
flip the page good lies good lies white
elastic on my wrist my hair is clean
I am fulfilled
I am not loved
I am fearless
I am not angry
At the world
I am not talented
And have not known love
I am compassionate

I do not think I am foolish
I am sick of not sick of myself
I don’t need yoga
And I don’t need to write
Lies lies lies
Teach me what is real
or nothing at all
Blank blank
I am not jealous
I am sorry I moved to Providence
15 seconds left
too many for me
let this end

Evangeline Dardouni